I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
