so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
