remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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