i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
