Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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