I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
