Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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