I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
