your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
