as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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