I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize