if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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