I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
