uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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