Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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