So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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