i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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