At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
