no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
