my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
