cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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