So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
