So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize