Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
