YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
