He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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