I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
