I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
