It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
