why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
