So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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