Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
