i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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