I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
