hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize