Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
