dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
