I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
