legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
