Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
