dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
