They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize