new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
