Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
