I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
