I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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