I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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