Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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