i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
