I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
