does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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