a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
