One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
