it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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