I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
