ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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