I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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