i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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