why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
