every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
