just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
