Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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