whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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