Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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