i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
