Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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