I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
