That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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