This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
