if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
