Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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