im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
