Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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