if you like me you must not know who I am
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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