Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize