He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
