So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize