i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
